Help! My Marriage Isn’t Working Out!

 

The first thing I want to say to you is that you are not alone! A lot of marriages have been to this point at some time or another, including mine. I can feel your deepest and darkest pain, more than you think!

 

A lot of times we are told prior to getting married as well as when we face trouble once we’re married, “Marriage is about give and take and this is what makes it work.” While this may be true in most scenarios, things don’t always happen this way. Sometimes as wives, we are the ones who are giving, giving, giving, without receiving anything for a while, or in some worse cases, at all!

 

Our hearts grieve, day after day, due to the apparent brokenness staring us in the face, every morning, we face the truth of what’s now become the “reality” of our marriage.

 

It sucks. It hurts. It’s just not fair! It seems like everyone else is having fun with their spouses, learning and growing together. But, all that is obvious amidst the four walls of your home is detachment, disunion, and ugliness!

 

The easy way out would be to let it all go. Just, all of it! The bits of growing that you managed to achieve over the years, all of the hard work it took to learn how to become submissive to another authority, the kid’s opinions of what they feel you should do (for those who have them), and this and that. But, is this really the easy way at all when you add things up?

 

Whenever my marriage have been on the rocks, I would often make the mistake of drawing closer to my husband, thinking I could just talk to him and we fix things and make everything all better. But, because we are two different people, with differing opinions, different giftings, and we function totally opposite at times, we clash.  So, everything I may have attempted to work on was made even worse.

 

What the Lord has shown me to work is finding these times as moments to draw closer to Him. Our spouses cannot fix things, just as much as we don’t have the power to fix it in times such as these. With bigger issues prevalent in our marriage, only God can heal and mend things to be the way we need them to be, in order to cause the marriage to function properly.

 

Sometimes, the things we think may be causing problems for our marriage, is not what it may be because it is not the root of the issue. This is what we sometimes have a problem with finding! Let me provide you an example through a possible counseling session to help you understand how the Lord may deal with us when He speaks to us.

 

Denise has come to me stating she doesn’t like to be touched by her husband. She laughingly explains how clumsy he is. “He just doesn’t have any swag,” she says.

 

So, I suggest to her to think of any other possibilities that something else may be going on instead of his “non-swag” issues.

 

But, Denise remains adamant by stating, “Trust me, he is very corny!” and again, she laughs.

 

Later, as we continue to discuss events which have happened in her life, Denise proceeds to explain how she was molested by a close family member at an early age. She further explains, voluntarily, that due to her being so young, she doesn’t think about it and it doesn’t affect her marriage.

 

But yet, when being probed about some of the emotions she could recall while experiencing the trauma, she cried and explained how awful it was.

 

 Denise: “Oh, it was just awful! I felt icky and disgusting. I felt unloved and unwanted.”

 

I then asked if she had any of those feelings with her husband when he touches her. She thought for a moment of about 50 seconds and begins to cry.

 

Denise’s personality is known to be lively and upbeat. She finds something funny to laugh about with mostly everything in her life.

 

I take note of her behavior and conclude through discernment that she has been suppressing harmful events, thus causing them to show up through other things.

 

This is how the Lord sees us. He doesn’t care about all of the tiny little details of what may be irritating a situation. They are just symptoms. But, what’s important to find is the root in order to fix a problem.

 

For me, my mind is constantly thinking in this manner. But sometimes, I really need the Lord’s help because I have a tendency to look everywhere else instead of what the truth may be.

 

So, what does the Lord want to say to you in reference to your marriage? Are there any root issues you may need to uproot and deal with on today?

 

You may be surprised at what areas really need healing instead of only your marriage. As this is done, you and your marriage could be well on its way to victory!